Re: Texts From Last Night

by **Patrick Noel** Tue Apr 02, 2013 5:15 am

Patrick to Ellie
"So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange."

by **Emma Noel** Tue Apr 02, 2013 5:36 am

Emma to Patrick
"They have marijuana tests too!"

by **Andy O'Hara** Fri Apr 05, 2013 9:11 pm

Andy to Kieran
"You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary."

by **Ellie Volkova** Fri Apr 05, 2013 9:58 pm

Ellie to Alona, Emma and Patrick
"Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester."

by **Emma Noel** Sat Apr 06, 2013 10:03 am

Emma to Patrick
"Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?"

Emma to Ellie
"College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?"

by **Patrick Noel** Sat Apr 06, 2013 10:06 am

Patrick to Ellie
"I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk."

by **Ellie Volkova** Sat Apr 06, 2013 10:08 pm

Ellie to Patrick
"There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood."

Ellie to Emma
"Come help me. I'm curled up in the foetal position on the upper floor of the library. Please bring more caffeine or alcohol."

by **Andy O'Hara** Wed Apr 10, 2013 10:47 pm

Andy to Kieran
"Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish...?"

by **Patrick Noel** Thu Apr 11, 2013 8:45 am

Patrick to Ellie and Emma
"I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "Essentially! Essentially! Essentially!""

by **Ellie Volkova** Sat Apr 13, 2013 7:40 pm

Ellie to Kieran
"Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become."

by **Andy O'Hara** Sun Apr 14, 2013 6:39 pm

Andy to Kieran
"If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day."

by **Ellie Volkova** Sun Apr 14, 2013 7:04 pm

Ellie to Patrick
"There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college."

by **Kieran Richards** Mon Apr 22, 2013 6:45 pm

Kieran to Ellie
"2:23 AM. I'm just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 AM, paying in nickles, cuz that's how I roll."
"2:26 AM. I'm just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 AM, without my nickles, cuz that's how I roll."

Kieran to Andy
"Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher."

by **Patrick Noel** Fri May 03, 2013 2:00 am

Patrick to Emma
" Yeah, I sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless. "

Patrick to Ellie
"apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high "

by **Ellie Volkova** Thu Sep 12, 2013 5:17 pm

Ellie to Alona
"Me and Tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs"

Ellie to Emma
"I have woken up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?"

Ellie to Kieran
"I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right"

by **Andy O'Hara** Sun Sep 15, 2013 12:51 am

Andy to Alona
"I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face."

Andy to Kieran
"If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection."

by **Ellie Volkova** Thu Sep 19, 2013 10:46 pm

Ellie to Alona
"The bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. Legit excuse to not study, right?"

Ellie to Emma
"He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar."

Ellie to Kieran
"My maths prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. I don't want to live here any more."

Ellie to Patrick
"If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete."

by **Andy O'Hara** Tue Oct 01, 2013 9:32 pm

Andy to Kieran
"And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life."

Andy to Alona
"They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me."

by **Ellie Volkova** Mon Oct 21, 2013 11:37 pm

Ellie to Alona
"Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit."

Ellie to Emma
"There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls I went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as I was unlocking my door. When I opened it, Patrick was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to re-evaluate."

Ellie to Kieran
"We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what college does to you."

Ellie to Patrick
"Apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample."

by **Alona Andrews** Fri Apr 04, 2014 9:59 pm

Alona to Ellie
"I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is."

Alona to Andy
"Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me?"

by **Ellie Volkova** Mon Apr 07, 2014 9:34 pm

Ellie to Alona
"Well, she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered Dominos. We all manage stress in different ways."

Ellie to Emma
"I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library."

Ellie to Kieran
"I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend."

Ellie to Patrick
"Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student. "

by **Andy O'Hara** Sat Jul 19, 2014 12:19 am

Andy to Kieran
"Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. Huge scar on forehead. Totally going to start telling people my parents died fighting Voldemort."

by **Ellie Volkova** Mon Dec 01, 2014 8:48 pm

Ellie to Alona
"On the last problem of the exam I just drew a picture of a cat and left."

Ellie to Emma
"I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be f-ing magical."

Ellie to Kieran
"I found a twelve pack under my bed and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a freaking alcoholic squirrel."

Ellie to Patrick
"I like being sick. Whatever the doctor gave me is awesome. The walls are waving at me and I never want to get better."

by **Andy O'Hara** Mon Feb 23, 2015 10:48 pm

Andy to Kieran
"Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere."

Andy to Alona
"Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)"

by **Alona Andrews** Tue Feb 24, 2015 4:42 am

Alona to Ellie
"Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending."

Alona to Andy
"So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?"

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Professors & Staff	1	3
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